Walking in Their Shoes: Seeing Others With Mercy
Jun 04, 2024Bible, Women & Bathrobes Episode 17
Sermon on the Mount part 9
Summary
Tamara, Bonnie and Amy discussed Jesus's teachings on resisting evil in Matthew 5:38-42, from the Sermon on the Mount. Tamara explained the old law's literal meaning and Amy and Bonnie shared their personal reflection on the scripture. They then shifted to discussing their experiences and insights on managing emotional triggers and building empathy in relationships, emphasizing the importance of compassion, empathy, and forgiveness in improving communication and relationships within families. The concluding theme was to see others with heaven’s eyes and be willing to “walk a mile in their shoes,” metaphorically.
Main Takeaways
- From Tamara, “A couple years ago, I started praying that I could see people with heaven's eyes. And I think that is what Jesus is trying to get us to do. That these are all our brothers and sisters on Earth. And we each have our own pains and traumas that we're dealing with, and look at them and see them as I do. Get to know them and see them as I do. And if you can do that, then you can forgive, then you can love. . . I think that's probably my biggest takeaway is just looking at others you want the compassion.”
- From Amy, “Every single person that comes into my space is just asking for mercy. . . And so, if someone's angry with me, they're probably just asking for mercy. If they're treating me poorly, they're just asking for mercy. I know when I'm treating someone poorly, I'm just asking to be seen. I'm just asking for mercy. And so the Lord is literally saying to me today, Amy, when they asked for it, give them mercy. Give them prayers for them. Give them forgiveness. Give them love.”
- From Bonnie, “I can't maybe hold your things for another mile. But I can pray for you. And so if we can stop and say, Well, I can't do this, but this I can do. And we can find ways that we can support and love those around us, especially our enemies and those who have hurt us--We will heal those relationships. Us showing that love and that compassion and that mercy will help that person be seen, and it will heal and fix what is broken.”
Today’s Podcast Hosts & Guests
Tamara K. Anderson
Tamara, founder of Women Warriors of Light, is a dynamic speaker, award winning author, and a podcaster. She is driven by her Christian faith to inspire faith in Jesus Christ. Alongside her husband, Justin, she navigates the joys and challenges of parenting four children with autism, ADHD, and mental health hurdles. You can find out more about Tamara on her website: https://www.tamarakanderson.com/
Bonnie Randall
Bonnie Randall is a wife, mother, trainer, speaker, actress, copywriter, heart centered life coach and has also been a business and marketing consultant for over 20 years. Her real passion is to help people grow as individuals and teach them how to resolve limiting beliefs. Bonnie enjoys teaching about mental health, abuse prevention and recovery classes. She runs a trauma recovery support group and YouTube channel called, Come Off Conqueror, which helps survivors of abuse find Christ centered healing. Find out more at: https://www.youtube.com/@comeoffconqueror
Amy Johnson
Amy is a member of our Women Warriors of Light Advisory Board. She is a leader of women, a homemaker, and a licensed cosmetologist. Amy enjoys nurturing women through betrayal trauma to becoming a beacon of support and inspiration.
Transcript
If you would like to read the transcript of today’s episode, you may find it on our website: https://www.womenwarriorsoflight.com/blog/Walking-in-Their-Shoes-Seeing-Others-With-Mercy
Speaker 1 0:00
Have you ever heard the phrase going the extra mile? Do you know that that's Biblically based on the Sermon on the Mount? We're going to talk about that and how we treat others today on this episode, so stay tuned.
Tamara Anderson 0:18
Welcome to Bible, Women and Bathrobes, the podcast where faith meets comfort. Join us Tuesday and Thursday morning. As the gals from women warriors of Light and their guests, Don bathrobes and dive into the inspiring stories of women in the Bible, and the teachings of Jesus Christ. From Esther's bravery to the Sermon on the Mount. We explore it all with warmth, laughter, sisterhood, and maybe even a few sleepy eyed moments. Tune in live or at your leisure as we learn lessons from scripture which empower women today.
Tamara Anderson 0:59
Welcome to Bible, Women and Bathrobes. I'm your host Tamara K Anderson. And joining me are Bonnie Randall and Amy Johnson. And we're so excited to be joining you here today. Hi, ladies.
Bonnie Randall 1:11
Morning.
Tamara Anderson 1:13
And today we are in Matthew five. We've just kind of been creeping our way through Matthew five. But it's allowed us to kind of dive into some of these verses that, that maybe we don't understand as clearly as, as the people of Jesus's stay dead. And so we're gonna start off with verse, Matthew, chapter five, verse 38. And this is, Jesus is referencing the Mosaic Law. He's giving them okay, here's the old law. And now I'm going to uplevel you.
Tamara Anderson 1:44
So here's the old law, you've heard, it's been said, An eye for an eye and a tooth for tooth. And they meant that literally, like if you accidentally cut someone's hand off, I don't even know if that's possible, but but they could cut your hand. Do you know what I mean? So it was literally whatever they do to you, you do to them, that that was the Mosaic law. And then Jesus is saying in verse 39, the up level and I'd love to discuss this with you ladies. "But I say unto you, that ye resist not evil, but whosoever shall smite thee on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And I don't think Jesus is saying it's okay if you're abused. So, I'd like to open this up for discussion. And, Amy, let's, let's have you tackle this first.
Amy Johnson 2:34
Okay, but can we just talk about when they were given the Mosaic Law, and they were told an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth? Can you just picture what was going on? They had to literally say, No, you can't take more than the pound of flesh somebody took off of you. Because what kind of world was that? Right? But then I was thinking, we do the same thing. Somebody I love in my relationship, whatever does something and I go into my messy place in my brain. And then the next thing I am doing is making the whole problem worse, because of this.
Amy Johnson 3:14
But this scripture that you resist, not evil. I really, really love this. I've I've had to spend a lot of time thinking about what the Lord really means on this. Because it to me, I look at evil and I'm like, resist not evil, I should resist. I shouldn't just give into evil. What does this mean to me?
Amy Johnson 3:40
Um, but I think as many of us have been, we're raised in a world where contention is really prevalent. And in a home families get messy. There's fighting between siblings and parents and parents and child and teenagers and all the things right. And so I think contention is pretty prevalent. And so then you get married and unless you-- I have a sister who truly is just a peacemaker, she just. She just came that way even from the time she was born. She's just this peaceful person. And we actually call her Dolly even though that isn't her name, because she's just this peaceful Dolly. Anyway.
Amy Johnson 4:24
But we live in this contentious world and resisting is is really to me became this--Are you pushing back? So yeah, don't don't get into trouble with evil, leave it in the gutter, so to speak, but when you're confronted with someone who's doing evil to you, what are you doing? Are you contending?
Amy Johnson 4:50
Um, I years ago, I, I have a an I'm not saying that this child was doing evil against me. He was a kid. He was trying to figure out what What it was even meant to be here on Earth. But he had a way of talking to me that was quite not nice. And I had a woman give me a book that talked about laying down your weapon of war. And talked about that theory that hurt people, hurt people, right. And now as a mom now has this child is in his 20s and we've talked about some of his childhood stuff, I realized that he was doing what he was doing, because of what was going on at school. And what was going on in the family and what was going on, that he was really feeling bullied and picked on. And so as a result, I was getting bullied by him.
Amy Johnson 5:42
But we read that book together, he and I, and as he laid As a teenager, in my lap, on the couch, and we read, we both changed, something changed, as I realized. Don't resist, just don't fight back. Don't argue, don't contend with this child that's already in pain. Every time you contend with him, you are inflicting more wounds, then he's already feeling and he's already dealing with. And so this this you know, if you get hit on the cheek, turn the other cheek, I literally learned that what that meant for this child was that when he started to do that, I would say--and he at this point, now when I learned this, he was tall he was he's six, five now. So he was tall.
Amy Johnson 6:40
And I would say, I put my hand out on his chest gently. And I'd say I love you so much. I can't do this with you. And I would literally back into my bedroom, gently push him away from the door and shut the door. Because I it was the only way I could keep from getting into this contentious cycle with him where we just smacking each other around emotionally. There's no, there's no positive that comes from that? None. None.
Tamara Anderson 7:13
Yeah, I love what the Lord taught you to do in this situation. And I think every situation is different. But the answer is love and learning to see people as Jesus sees them. Right, Bonnie,
Speaker 1 7:24
I really appreciate what you shared Amy, I have a kid who she and I are so similar that we butt heads a lot. And we fight a lot. And I remember telling my therapist a while ago a few years ago, but I just wanted to remain calm in the chaos. How do I not join in? And the crazy when everyone is freaking out, we've got the fighting that's going on. And then my one with special needs starts freaking out because of all the noise. And it just becomes total and utter chaos. It can go from totally fine to insanity in literally 30 seconds at our house. There is like no in between. It just escalates so quickly.
Bonnie Randall 8:16
And I spent so much time praying and pleading with the Lord to show me how do I remain calm in the chaos? And yet the answer was so unexpected. I did not realize that this could be the solution for me. It was heal my own trauma,
Amy Johnson 8:40
right!
Bonnie Randall 8:41
Heal my own triggers. Because what was happening was when my kids were freaking out, I was getting triggered,
Amy Johnson 8:50
right
Bonnie Randall 8:51
Like things that had happened in my childhood or in my past or with my marriage or with things that happened with the kids like different things. It was literally triggering me and I would go into panic. And then you go and just fight or flight, right. And when you're in fight or flight years that kind of functioning turns off, you can't think you can't process you can't react and respond and the way that would be the good way to respond.
Bonnie Randall 9:16
Right? You see all those parenting coaches who are like, just to remember that your kid is still a kid and they're still learning and blah, blah, blah. Think of all those things when you're in the moment. Okay, just be real and honest about that for a second because you are triggered. Your amygdala and your whole limbic system is on fire and you are literally thinking your body thinks that you're being attacked by a bear and your bears your three year old. Right? That's ridiculous.
Bonnie Randall 9:44
But it's what we're hard, hard wired to do. Because in the olden days when we were being attacked by a bear, when we were a caveman or whatever the animal was we needed that. It's really, really useful when you're in In a real life threatening situation, but when we're not in a life threatening, and it's just contention in the home, it still gets flared up.
Bonnie Randall 10:09
So what the Lord said was Bonnie, heal your triggers, go figure out what is causing you to be triggered, go deal with that, heal it. And then the next phase, he didn't stop there. Right? The whole, this is just the theme of he never stops. Well, I'm the theme of the Sermon on the Mount is you deal with the base foundation, and then we're gonna add to it right. And then next phase for me was, now figure out why your kids are being triggered. And help them stay calm. Help figure out how to not create the chaos in the first place. Right. And as we've been working on that, oh, my goodness, holy moly, talk about like feeling guilt, mom guilt, and realizing that there were things I did when they were really little that trigger them. And their little souls come out. And it is just, it breaks my heart.
Bonnie Randall 11:16
But thank goodness, there's repentance and the atonement, and that Jesus can heal every wound and heal every family and we are not beyond repair. And he really will show us how we can live this higher law.
Tamara Anderson 11:37
Tough stuff, man. But raw, open and honest, because we all deal with that, you know, deal with different challenges, whether it be at home or at work, or family. Why is family so messy? I don't know. Because they get to see us as we are right.
Amy Johnson 11:55
And I if Bonnie, I love that you said that that was your answer was tell your trauma. Because the way I figured out to do that with my son was because I actually did the addiction recovery program by myself for my anger. And when I got to step four, and I was just writing all the things I just wrote, without thinking. And then when I went back and read it on every single page I had written, I feel trapped, I am trapped. I feel trapped.
Amy Johnson 12:29
And so I started to realize that when I got angry, and I do this still now if I feel my temperature rising, or the the passion in me because I'm super passionate. When I feel like come up, then I I think why am I angry? Oh, because I feel trapped. And that's my go to. That's an automatic answer now, because I feel trapped. Okay, well, am I trapped? And then I work through it. And so I used to close him out of my bedroom. In an effort to give myself a minute to go, are you really trapped Amy? What's really happening? And it was it was always a trigger from my past, always.
Bonnie Randall 13:13
So anger is a secondary emotion, right? Like it is compiled of are made up of a lot of underlining emotions. I look at it like an iceberg. The anger is the tip of the iceberg. And there's a lot going on underneath. And when we can step back and say, what is really the emotion here, what am I really feeling? Yeah, it's like never anger, it's insecurity. It's being trapped. It's fear. It's a million other things. It's rarely that you are really actually mad. Right? Even if you look at like, someone hurt your kid, the mama bear might come out at you and yeah, you're angry. But what are you really feeling? defensive? Right, you're fearful for your child, right? And when we can address those things. We can then fix what's really going on.
Bonnie Randall 14:12
And I have to say, I love that you take a moment and you take a break. I do that with my kids too. And I teach them Mommy needs a break right now. I'm getting worked up. It's not your fault. I need just a few minutes. I need to go take a timeout to calm myself down. And why doesn't everybody go take a few minutes to calm down. And we have like all these different calm down tools. My cute kids have like their own calm down box. My one daughter is to go take a bath like everyone has their different way of calming down and we teach that it's not. You're not being shunned. You're not being punished for taking a timeout. We just need a few minutes to to defuse the situation.
Bonnie Randall 15:01
I had read this parenting book that was really against timeouts really, really, really against them. And they said that it teaches your kid that you don't love them, and that you're shunning them, and you don't want to be with them when they're being naughty and all this stuff. And I thought, no, there needs to be another perspective to this. Yeah, we're teaching people to pause before they react, and we're teaching to defuse the situation. But it's all in the intention of what the timeout is, right? Because it could be a shutting. But for us, timeout is a time to just pause, recenter come back to God, come back to our family. Remember why we love each other, And then get out of that animal brain so that we can have these fruitful discussions, right?
Tamara Anderson 15:58
Right. No, I love that. Let's move on to this next little part. It says in verse 40, "If any man will sue thee at the law and take away thy coat, let him have a cloak also." And then "And whosoever shall compel the to go a mile, go with him twain." And this is where that go, the extra mile comes from. And I was reading a little bit about that. And usually because the Jewish nation at this point was oppressed, or they were under a Roman leadership at the time, a soldier could require or force a civilian to carry their gear for one mile, as they were going from town to town.
Tamara Anderson 16:43
And so what Jesus is saying literally here is if your enemy exact something of you, give him double. And oof, boy, that that pricks a little bit, you know what I mean? Because you're like I don't, I don't know about that. Especially with our enemies, it's it's hard it. It's hard enough when we love somebody like our family, but now he's saying, and I'm up leveling you, and even a little bit more here like, oh! Anyway, it's hard. This this new law that Jesus gives, is difficult because it refines us. It causes us to look internally and say, Okay, I thought I was doing pretty good. But nope. I have a little ways to go still. I need to improve. Any thoughts on this? Bonnie? We'll start with you.
Bonnie Randall 17:41
Yeah, I feel like this scripture is, I mean, Amy and I are coming at this from the lens of being victims of some abuse. And and I think, when you have that lens, it's really hard to be like, Are you kidding me? You want me to do what? But when I.
Bonnie Randall 18:03
So if a number of years ago, I was in a really, I had been hurt very, very badly by somebody. And I needed to forgive because it was just becoming this cancer that was just growing. And it was creating more and more problems. And all of these talks on forgiveness. At one point, I remember, I felt like I needed to forgive. But I was super resistant, because like, what they did was awful. And they have caused so much drama since like, How can I possibly do this? That then like all these talks, and all these, like people would send me sermons and different scriptures and it was like all about forgiveness. And I hear you already Okay, I'm getting the message. But how, how in the world? Do I do this? You're asking me to literally, like not just climb Mount Everest, but do it blindfolded and like without an oxygen tank like this is impossible.
Bonnie Randall 19:07
And the counsel I got was he asked me to start praying for this person. And I thought, okay. That's I was expecting some big thing. But this this I can probably do. So at first, my prayers are pretty lame, honestly. But as I started getting a little more and more sincere with this person, my heart started softening. And as that started happening, I started to see them with eyes of compassion, and started to see them as a child of God. And then I started to see their wounds and their hurts that were creating all of this stuff. And then I started to be able to little by little let them in, I could, I started being able to stand them a little bit longer and a little bit longer and a little bit longer.
Bonnie Randall 20:13
And eventually it went from like, I couldn't even be the same room to five minutes to half an hour or two an hour to an afternoon things like that. And one day, I realized, oh, my gosh, like, have I arrived? Have I forgiven? And the answer was no, I had not forgiven yet. I still, I was finally at the door of where I could forgive. I was finally at the point where I could then take this burden, and literally give it to God. And that's what I did. I visualized this hurt in this pain as a object, and I physically handed it over to the Savior. And when I did that, I felt this huge weight lift.
Bonnie Randall 21:01
Now, does that person still trigger me? Yeah. And I have to remind myself of who they are. And then it's their trauma coming out. And that if they were healed, they wouldn't do this. There is another book I read. It's I highly recommend this for anyone with kids who are odd or like, defiant. It's called "The Defiant Child," I think and it's about inflexible thinking. And his his he says right in the beginning, if they could do better, they would do better. But these kids are, there's developmental delays that create this inflexible thinking. And anyway, we could talk forever on that.
Bonnie Randall 21:51
But the moral of the story is, I have to remind myself when I get triggered, if they could do better, they would do better. What are they need for me right now. They need love, they need compassion, they need me to not react, and to not take it personally. And to instead give more love, because love is the emotion that will conquer that hate. Does that make sense? Yeah.
Tamara Anderson 22:19
Yeah. Amy,
Amy Johnson 22:22
I, I was thinking about this. This when you said that, you need to think if they could do better, they would do better. And, and that brought up all the things about compassion. And you think about I think, first of all, we should probably acknowledge, we're really blessed to live in the United States. We do not have actual oppressors that are forcing us to do anything. We really don't really have a whole lot of leg to stand on, if we're talking about this very literally. But I felt like as you were talking that, that it's about, if you are being asked to do something with an oppressor or an offender, then it really should be about these are the things I have to offer.
Amy Johnson 23:16
I can't carry your armor for and all your equipment for a mile extra. But I can pray for you and I can forgive you. And and then I, as you were talking and you were saying and I saw the compassion come into all of it. I thought what would have happened to me if a Roman soldier dumped all his gear on me. And then I walked that first mile grumbling. But then the second mile would I've started to see what he carries all day long. Except when he's requiring someone else to carry it for him. Would I then truly see what he carries all day long.
Amy Johnson 24:04
Here's his little story. I wasn't even sure this but I am. My son is an attorney. And yesterday he said to me, Mom, if you wanted to come and watch me in court, you can on Mondays. And he knows I like attorney stuff. Yeah, like Law and Order types shows and stuff. I used to watch them all the time. I've since cut them out of my life. Because on a prompting. But I love that system and how that works. And the and I said that would be great.
Amy Johnson 24:38
And I invited someone else to come with me. Maybe you'd like to come? And they kind of were like, Yeah, maybe. And I was like that was a weird reaction like, but instead of just thinking that was a weird reaction. I said, Well, transparency, what are you thinking about court? And they said that really stresses me out. And as soon as they did say that I had memories of this person being arrested a couple, like, three times, I think. And one of them was in the courtroom, as they were handcuffed.
Amy Johnson 25:21
And as soon as they said, the idea of court really stresses me out. I went, of course it does. And I saw and felt all the stress, that a simple invitation. But if I had not taken the time, to be willing to carry their equipment for just a minute, I promise that could have turned into a huge fight. I've done it with this person 1000 times over.
Amy Johnson 25:54
And so it's about it's about the Lord is literally trying to teach us compassion in this moment. He's literally saying, then they're asking for your coat, give them your cloak, also. And like I said, we don't live in a land of oppression in the United States. And we're really blessed because of that. But if they're literally yelling at me for forgiveness, or compassion, or have you ever had somebody say, I just can't you just see where I'm coming from. That's literally their way of saying see me. And so I just love that, that he's teaching us. Come on, take their equipment for a few minutes, see how heavy that equipment really is to them, and do a different, feel what I feel for them do it different.
Tamara Anderson 26:50
That is really powerful. I love that the phrase that kept coming to my mind when you were talking, was walk a mile in their shoes, you know? And I really think that is what, what what we're trying to get to here, and Jesus is trying to get us here, is to get out of our own head and look at it from their perspective. What are they thinking? kind of like you did with that friend of yours, you know, oh, this is triggering to them. I shouldn't invite them to go to court with me, you know, what I mean?
Amy Johnson 27:24
It totally relieves them of that even invitation just pretend I didn't ask. Yeah, pretend it was a dumb moment. That was a missing moment for me.
Tamara Anderson 27:35
Exactly. Anyway, this has been really amazing to kind of talk through these verses. And it reminds me of a couple years ago, I started praying that I could see people with heaven's eyes, you know. And, and I think that is what Jesus is trying to get us to do. That these are all our brothers and sisters on Earth. And we each have our own pains and traumas that we're dealing with, and look at them and see them as I do. Get to know them and see them as I do. And if you can do that, then you can forgive, then you can love all those things. Anyway, I think I think that's probably my biggest takeaway is just looking at others you want the compassion. Amy, takeaway?
Amy Johnson 28:26
that final verse, I think and if we miss verse 42, we miss for me the whole thing. "Give to him, the Asketh the end from him that would borrow of the turn thou not away." And I for me my takeaway is, every single person that comes into my space is just asking for mercy. They're just asking for mercy. And so it's really great to be a huge humanitarian and to be able to help all these people that are just directly saying, What do you think like, I have a really cute friend who said to me one day at lunch, I have a question for you. And she asked the question, and then I, I often will say this. Do you really want to know what I think? Do you really want counsel from me? Do you really want my advice? I will ask that often. Because I don't want to give what you don't really want.
Amy Johnson 29:21
And so, but if someone's angry with me, they're probably just asking for mercy. If they're treating me poorly, they're just asking for mercy. I know when I'm treating someone poorly, I'm just asking to be seen. I'm just asking for mercy. And so the Lord is literally saying to me today, Amy, when they asked for it, give them mercy. Give them prayers for them. Give them forgiveness. Give them love.
Tamara Anderson 29:56
Love it. Bonnie, Takeaway?
Bonnie Randall 30:00
No, it was beautiful. I feel like my takeaway is similar and that we are asking to be charitable and generous. Generous with our love, generous with our hearts, generous with our forgiveness, and generous with our means, right? And we're also being asked to hold boundaries. Right? We're not he's not saying the doormat, right? He's just saying, if you can do it, and if you can go the extra mile, do the extra thing.
Bonnie Randall 30:39
And I like that Amy said earlier, right? I can't maybe hold your things for another mile. But I can pray for you. I can do this, right. And, and so if we can stop and say, Well, I can't do this, but this I can do. And we can find ways that we can support and love those around us, especially our enemies and those who have hurt us. We will heal those relationships. Us showing that love and that compassion and that mercy will help that person be seen, like Amy saying, and it will heal and fix what is broken.
Amy Johnson 31:19
Yeah.
Bonnie Randall 31:19
Because if all they need is love, and you showing them love fills in that gap, right? It gives them what they're needing. And then the animosity and the hurt and the pain and the suffering, all that is gone.
Amy Johnson 31:34
Right?
Bonnie Randall 31:34
Right. It's the magic sauce to fixing relationships. And surprise, surprise, God gave us the answer.
Tamara Anderson 31:47
Wow, this has been another good discussion on what these ancient words from long ago and how they apply to us today. It's amazing how we can draw so much from just a few little verses about God's love and mercy towards us and his invitation for us to step up and be more loving and compassionate and merciful, and kind. It's a message this world needs to hear. And I think the world would be so much better if we all treated each other with more love and compassion and mercy. So let's keep, get that message out there guys. Thanks for joining us today and have a blessed day. Bye.
Tamara Anderson 32:37
Thanks for tuning in to Bible, Women and Bathrobes hosted by Women Warriors of Light. We've loved exploring the stories of remarkable women or the teachings of the Savior today with you. If today's episode brought someone special to mind, be sure to spread the word. And don't forget to hit that subscribe button so you never miss a moment of inspiration and sisterhood. Just a friendly reminder, all opinions we share are entirely personal as we are trying to decipher and apply Bible teachings just like you are. Until next time, stay faithful. And may Your journey be blessed and illuminated by God's love.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
